How to Start a Letter to Someone You Miss

You've been staring at a blank piece of paper for ten minutes. You know who you want to write to. You know what you want to say—sort of. But the first line won't come.

How do you start a letter to someone you miss? Someone you haven't talked to in months, maybe years? What do you even say?

The answer is simpler than you think: Start with the truth.

Don't Apologize for Writing

Your first instinct might be to apologize. "Sorry it's been so long." "Sorry I'm bad at staying in touch." "Sorry for the random letter."

Don't. You're not imposing by writing to someone. You're giving them a gift—your time, your attention, your words. There's nothing to apologize for.

If you feel you must acknowledge the time gap, keep it simple: "It's been too long" or "I've been thinking about you." Then move on. The letter isn't about the silence. It's about breaking it.

Start With Why You're Writing Now

What made you think of them today? What prompted you to finally pick up a pen?

"I was cleaning out my desk and found that postcard you sent me from Barcelona. I forgot how much your trip stories made me laugh."

"It's raining here, and it reminded me of that weekend we spent at your family's cabin, playing cards and listening to the storm."

"I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately, and your name keeps coming up in my mind."

Starting with the specific moment that prompted the letter makes it feel genuine. It shows you're not writing out of obligation, but because you actually thought of them.

Name a Memory

One of the most powerful ways to start a letter is with a shared memory. Something specific. Something only the two of you would remember.

"Remember that terrible restaurant we went to where the waiter kept forgetting our order? I walked past it yesterday and couldn't stop laughing."

"I was listening to music today and that song you used to play on repeat came on. I thought of you immediately."

According to research in Psychology Today, shared memories strengthen social bonds and create feelings of connectedness, even across distance and time.

A specific memory does two things: It shows they've been on your mind, and it reminds both of you why you mattered to each other in the first place.

Skip the Small Talk

You don't need to ask how they've been or what they're up to. You don't need to catch them up on your life (yet). You definitely don't need to talk about the weather.

A letter isn't a text message. You have time and space to say something that matters. Use it.

Start with something real:

"I've been going through a hard time lately, and I keep thinking about the advice you gave me years ago."

"You came to mind today because I finally did something I'd been too scared to do, and I remembered you always believed I could."

"I miss you. That's really all there is to it."

Just Say You Miss Them

Sometimes the simplest opening is the best one.

"I miss you."

Three words. That's it. Everything else can follow from there. You don't need a clever opening. You don't need to be profound. You just need to be honest.

People spend so much time trying to find the perfect words that they never write anything at all. But the perfect letter doesn't exist. The letter that matters is the one you actually send.

What Comes Next

Once you've started, the rest gets easier. Tell them what's been happening in your life. Ask about theirs. Share something you've been thinking about. Talk about something you're looking forward to, or something you're struggling with.

The beginning was the hard part. You've already done it.

Examples to Get You Started

Here are a few opening lines you can adapt:

"I've started and restarted this letter three times, but I'm just going to be direct: I miss you."

"I thought of you today. Not for any particular reason—you just crossed my mind and stayed there."

"It's been too long since we really talked. I want to fix that."

"Remember when you told me [specific thing]? I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that until recently."

"I'm sitting here with a pen and paper, which is rare these days, and the first person I thought to write to was you."

The right opening isn't the cleverest one. It's the honest one. The one that gets you to write the second sentence, and the third, and the rest of the letter.

So stop overthinking. Start with the truth. And write the letter.